Neal Maupay the latest to try and claim title of football’s biggest trash talker after vicious Nemanja Vidic and wind-up merchant Craig Bellamy

What makes a ‘s***house’?

It’s a question Brentford’s Neal Maupay appears desperate to find out having tried getting under the skin of James Maddison and then almost being knocked out by Kyle Walker.

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It’s not limited to this season either having managed to successfully anger Mateo Guendouzi at Arsenal in 2020. It’s the sort of behaviour commonly referred to these days as ‘s***housing’ which entered the dictionary as ‘an obnoxious or despicable person’.

Former Aston Villa forward Gabby Agbonlahor played with his fair share of wind-up merchants during his career in the Premier League.

What makes a s***house?

“I think the perfect s***house is a player who can wind up a fanbase,” the talkSPORT presenter said.

“Someone who can be that annoying player who goes down a lot when you know it’s going to annoy another player, talk crap to your opponent to wind him up, when you celebrate, celebrate in front of the home fans.

“Winding people up on the pitch and making it so someone wants to kick you, someone’s going to get sent off.

“My biggest one was if I scored I’m going to the opposition fans, I’m standing right in front of your face and celebrating, I used to have the shush, which is like ‘give me abuse but I’ve scored now, so shush’.

“I loved to shoulder barge full-backs and defenders into the advertising board. I’d time it so when they were running I’d shoulder barge them right by the white line into the advertising board so you know they’re coming for you afterwards, screaming and shouting – then you know you’ve got them.”

But how did opponents get under the skin of Agbonlahor?

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“When Jesse Lingard did some mad dance at the Emirates, that is a new level of s***house, how dare you dance on my pitch,” he explained.

“Time wasting used to wind me up, ball boys not giving the ball back, and referees who used to not speak to you and fob you off and were arrogant.”

Who was the best at the dark arts? Well Agbonlahor was in no doubt, and gave his top three which included some hilarious revelations.

GABBY’S BIGGEST S***HOUSES

3. Nemanja Vidic

“I’ll put Vidic in third. He was very clever, if I tried to hold the ball up he’d pinch me like you wouldn’t believe – big pinches on your back, on your arm, just dirty. He’d kick the back of your Achilles when no one was looking, because you’d get away with it without VAR.

“Vidic was a vicious defender.”

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2. Joey Barton

“I’ll say Joey Barton, he was renowned for it. He was the player on the pitch who’d have the most to say, he was so chirpy and he would hammer players, call them s***, call them rubbish.

“We had an incident when we played Newcastle. I think he kept getting in trouble for fouls, so I targeted him and whenever he got the ball I would boot him to try and get a reaction.

“I shoulder barged him once to the floor and I remember him running over and he flicked my bottom lip.

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“After the game the gaffer asked if I wanted to take [the incident] further with the FA? I didn’t want to, I told I know what Barton’s like so I’ll leave it. Then I remember seeing him in Vegas about five years later in a lift and he said ‘thanks Gabby for not taking it any further’ because I could have made a big deal out of it.

1. Craig Bellamy

“Number one is Craig Bellamy. I’ve never seen anything like it. He’s so, so chirpy. He would hammer is own team as well as the opposition.

“I remember [former centre-back] Carlos Cuellar – he cashed him off about money asking ‘what do you earn, I earn loads more than you’ – he’s that sort of player. He’d say anything he could to get under the skin of a defender.

“I remember Gareth Barry telling a story that when he got to Man City he was on his case. He was small but stocky and could take care of himself, he was definitely the biggest s***house.”

AFP