Shitter was Full – 29 Immediate Takeaways from Eagles 33, Giants 25

That was ugly as sin, but the Eagles won a game. Hooray! The losing streak is over.

Sure, it was against the Giants, but we all pressed on, and had the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny fucking Kaye. What we witnessed on Monday night was the sporting equivalent of Cousin Eddie emptying his chemical toilet into Clark Griswold’s sewer.

To the takeaways:

1) Can’t ask for a better start. Three and out on defense, then Britain Covey with a 54-yard punt return that NFL Next Gen Stats says had an expected return of only 10 yards. Covey’s been solid this season. It’s somewhat hard to believe, in hindsight, that they waived him before Week 1 and he cleared with zero interest.

Britain Covey (54-yd Punt Return)

Expected Return Yards: 10
Yards Over Expected: +44
Return Percentile: 99.2

Covey currently leads the NFL in punt return yards over expected this season (+155).#NYGvsPHI | #FlyEaglesFly pic.twitter.com/uj3qYB8t6v

— Next Gen Stats (@NextGenStats) December 25, 2023

2) Darren Waller’s drop was a big play. That would have moved the chains on third down and kept that drive alive. The Giants had to settle for a field goal instead. Who knows what happens if they answer with a touchdown to make it 7-7.

3) That 3^rd and 5 bubble screen to Olamide Zaccheaus was hideous. Almost a pick-6. I know they converted on 4^th and 5 anyway, but that’s just a waste of a down. Just because you’re in four-down territory doesn’t mean you should call some bullshit on 3^rd down, like it’s some sort of throwaway. And there’s no reason to try a single perimeter screen, ever, not on this team. The sideways stuff is exasperating.

4) Jason Kelce with the high snap, then Grant Calcaterra somehow catching a heave and getting the first down is the definition of luck. But it was also a hell of a play by Jalen Hurts to keep that alive and make something out of nothing. Two things can be true.

5) Quite the effort from D’Andre Swift to turn that bottled-up run into a would-be touchdown. They got the call right after reviewing it and the Eagles settled for the field goal, but if we’re being honest, that drive resulting in any points was a borderline miracle.

6) Time to bust out this tweet after the game Jamie Gillan had:

Giants punter after whatever that was: pic.twitter.com/ELcBkGH7fI

— Kevin Kinkead (@Kevin_Kinkead) December 11, 2022

7) Beautiful block by Olamide Zaccheaus on the DeVonta Smith touchdown. Adoree’ Jackson was also totally oblivious and didn’t even have his head turned. I’m not even sure he was aware that Smitty was running in open space. Also, New York only rushed three on that play, and still gave up a TD pass in which the receiver wasn’t even touched.

8) Ben VanSumeren is now eligible to play in Rashard Mendenhall’s all-white vs. all-black Pro Bowl. If you’re gonna be thin at linebacker, this was the game for it to happen. He looked fine playing alongside Shaq Leonard.

9) Couldn’t hear the TV very well since we had four kids running around, but I am informed that they mentioned snowballs and Santa on the broadcast.

10) Offside on 4th and 5 from “Jalen Davis.” Inexcusable! Sloppy shit.

11) Not sure what New York was doing when Haason Reddick blew up that 4th and 1 in the backfield. They left him completely unblocked. Looked like a blown assignment based on what the broadcast was showing us on replay.

12) I appreciated the Giants putting four guys in the A gap in some sort of disguise, only for Jalen Hurts to just pull and run to his right for a first down.

13) Sloppy at the end of the first half. Clock management wasn’t ideal, low-lighted perhaps by Hurts deciding to stay inbounds when the Eagles didn’t have any timeouts remaining. There wasn’t enough time to spike the ball, but New York was whistled for a delay of game because some dumbo grabbed the ball and prevented them from getting back to the line. The Birds settled for a field goal.

14) This gets worse every time you watch it:

Horrible start to the 2nd half for the Eagles
pic.twitter.com/Mj5f5uGkRw

— PFF (@PFF) December 25, 2023

Zaccheaus with his second game-changing block on that play.

15) Leonard had the wrong gap on the first Giants touchdown. He’s only been here a couple of weeks, but not sure what he thought he was doing there. The broadcast noted that he had Fletcher Cox in front of him.

16) Tommy DeVito benched? It’s anti-Italian discrimination.

17) Why no shove on 3rd and 1 on the first drive of the second half?

18) Really stupid play by Sydney Brown when Tyrod Taylor was obviously going to be sliding there. Andrew Sendejo-esque. Resulted in offsetting penalties but should have been a loss of yardage for NY on a hold.

19) Saquon dropping that 3rd down pass was a gift, because the Eagles sent the house and had nobody there. New York’s center got flagged for a false start on the next play, which infuriated Brian Daboll on the sideline and bailed out Jalen Carter on another jump.

20) Hurts spread the ball around. Targets for eight different players after only throwing it to three in Dallas.

21) Not sure why they had to blow a timeout after the clock was stopped on the Jordan Mailata penalty. Slop!

22) Dallas Goedert slips and New York scores on a 76-yard interception. Awesome! Would have been a three-point game as well, but Hurts deciding to horse collar Jackson resulted in NY going for two and cutting the lead to two.

23) Nothing sums up the Eagles better than the ensuing drive, when they got themselves into 3rd and 20, then immediately ripped off 54 yards on the next two plays. The floor is as low as the ceiling is high. Put that slogan on the yearbook.

24) Agree with Moose Johnston on that missed 4th quarter pass for Waller. The design seemed a little funky. That probably should have gone for a touchdown if not for Haason Reddick hounding Taylor. NY deciding to throw on both 3rd and 1 and 4th and 1 was highly questionable.

25) They really need some kind of hot read or blitz beater. How many times have we seen teams send the house this year, only for Hurts to wind up running for his life while four receivers run 15 yards down the field?

26) Reed Blankenship doing what exactly on that deep bomb? Jogging? Did he bet the Giants alternate spread at +5.5?

27) I hate those low hit calls. Reddick literally tripped over himself and that’s why he went into Taylor’s legs. Wasn’t doing it on purpose.

28) Good shot of the Eagles fans in Ghana. We’re huge in Accra.

29) These games didn’t have to be played on Christmas Day. If the holiday falls on a Sunday, so be it, but people just want to spend some time with their family. Or maybe not. Maybe they can’t stand their family and would rather watch TV. Either way, go Birds!

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