Sport of the Future Pickleball is Wreaking Havoc in Chestnut Hill

If you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen (that’s a Pickleball joke):

This is the epitome of a first world problem right here. The two biggest issues facing the residents of Chestnut Hill are noise from the pickleball courts and wondering if they’re far enough away from the crime in Philadelphia. Joe O’Donnell hears the bounce of a pickleball against fiberglass paddles in his nightmares. If he wanted to live in a place where he couldn’t open his windows nine months out of the year he’d move to Chicago.

Here’s a little secret about me –

I’m terrified to move to the suburbs. I go home to see my mom and I get anxiety looking at grass knowing a John Deere is in my future. Breathing in air that isn’t filled with SEPTA bus exhaust actually makes me nauseous. Half of the reason I don’t want to trade a pair of Nikes for some grass-stained New Balances is obviously because I’m still relatively young and like the energy of the city. It keeps you on your toes. But I know one day this life beckons.

Then I watch news hits like this and I remember why sweat creeps onto my brow when I think about an HOA. I can’t imagine packing a second grade classroom because pickleball is tearing my community apart. Or heading over to a PTA meeting to discuss mask mandates. The Phillies play at 6:45. I’m going to crush an episode or two of Ozark before then. Not fight with PTA Karen over the proper uses of cloth. PTA Karen doesn’t want anyone to have fun. Today it’s pickleball, tomorrow it’s banning Harry Potter from the library because they’re casting spells and shit. This woman shouting about ending it immediately probably lives in Plymouth Meeting:

We all know this woman. You can’t fight with this woman. She refuses to come to the table with levelheadedness and rational ideas. You offer her reduced hours. She wants the rec center turned into a greenery. You say softer paddles. She wants your head on a spike. Hey PTA Karen, you ever feel the rush from ripping a forehand down the line for game point? No? Try it some time.

I am siding with my pickleball brethren on this one. I love pickleball. Sport of the future (suck it, lacrosse). It’s the fastest growing game in the world. Billionaires are fighting over it. That one woman saying tennis is quieter can kick rocks. If 30 people were playing tennis at the same time from sun up to sundown you’d have the same issues. Let the people play!

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