Oh, you thought we were done talking about alien prop bets?
Not by a long shot; I’ve been saving the best for last!
Before we dive into the main subject of this blog, I should remind you that sometimes turning a profit isn’t the primary objective when it comes to the more novel entertainment betting lines. Sure, it’d be nice, but when you’re wagering on something as patently absurd as the first celebrity or public figure to be abducted by aliens, chances are the bet will eventually be voided, and your money will be returned.
On the contrary, sometimes there’s value in placing a bet for no other reason than to share your ticket with friends, family, or social media – either to make people laugh or as a symbol of support or wishful thinking.
I’ll probably put a few bucks on Bill Gates being abducted in hopes that if I visualize him being dragged away by hostile extraterrestrials, believe in that becoming a reality, and back my convictions with financial stakes, maybe the universe will ensure the Microsoft billionaire finds himself on the receiving end of an aggressive otherworldly probing.
If nothing else, it’ll be fun to stare at my bet and daydream about all the horrors visited upon Bill by my imaginary alien abductors between now and when BetOnline returns my cash. Now that I’m thinking about it, I should probably throw a few dollars down on Jeff Bezos too!
Plus, if one of these bets miraculously hits, I’ll not only make money and look clairvoyant, but the story will quickly become national news – and I’ve been waiting for my 15 minutes of fame for quite some time.
You can’t tell me that doesn’t sound great to you too. So, don’t be a betting snob; come dream with me and give these insane alien prop bets the love and appreciation they deserve!
Here are the 42 celebrities, athletes, politicians, and public figures BetOnline.ag has made available to pick, and their alien abduction odds:
| Country Attacked | Betting Odds | Country Attacked | Betting Odds |
| Elon Musk | +1400 | Boris Johnson | +3300 |
| Joe Rogan | +1600 | LeBron James | +3300 |
| Donald Trump Jr. | +1600 | Deontay Wilder | +3300 |
| Tyson Fury | +1600 | Tom Hanks | +3300 |
| Bill Gates | +2000 | Kamala Harris | +4000 |
| Jeff Bezos | +2000 | Tiger Woods | +5000 |
| Joe Biden | +2000 | Bill Clinton | +5000 |
| Mike Tyson | +2200 | Ellen DeGeneres | +5000 |
| Donald Trump Sr. | +2500 | Steve Bannon | +5000 |
| Hillary Clinton | +2500 | Michelle Obama | +5000 |
| Oprah Winfrey | +2500 | Kim Jong Un | +5000 |
| Tom Brady | +2500 | Xi Jinping | +5000 |
| George Soros | +2500 | Kevin Durant | +5000 |
| Floyd Mayweather | +2500 | Stephen Curry | +5000 |
| Rupert Murdoch | +2500 | Sylvester Stallone | +5000 |
| Ghislaine Maxwell | +2500 | Jennifer Lawrence | +5000 |
| Rosie O’Donnell | +2800 | Justin Trudeau | +5000 |
| Jennifer Aniston | +3300 | Barack Obama | +6600 |
| Matt LeBlanc | +3300 | Courtney Cox | +6600 |
| Christiano Ronaldo | +3300 | Henry Winkler | +6600 |
| Bryson DeChambeau | +3300 | Clay Travis | +10000 |
Familiar Friends
I’ve decided to organize the betting options based on different themes. That way, we can group the potential abductees according to specific interests the aliens may have.
For example, this first section features three people who would likely feel the most comfortable aboard the mothership – either because they’re already an alien or due to their considerable experience encountering extraterrestrial/interdimensional beings while under the influence of potent psychedelic drugs.
If the aliens want to kidnap a celebrity who will adapt to their new environment with the least amount of friction or discomfort, these three titans of their respective fields are the most logical choices.
Elon Musk
It’s no wonder why Elon Musk, at +1400 odds, is the overall favorite to be abducted.
The tech billionaire is one of the least “human” humans on the planet and is obsessed with colonizing Mars as quickly as possible. For all we know, Elon has been an undercover alien this entire time. When he disappears on an alien craft, it won’t be as much of an abduction as it is a return home.
He named his first-born child “X Æ A-Xii” for godsakes! If that’s not a beacon to extraterrestrial species that he doesn’t belong here and wants to be taken, I don’t know what is.
Joe Rogan
Next, we have the kettlebell swinging alien-gorilla-hybrid himself just behind Elon Musk as the second most likely abduction candidate at +1600. Joe Rogan has interviewed everyone who matters in the world of conspiracy theories, UFOs, and alien disclosures over the past 12 years or so – it’s a subject that’s right in the comedian’s wheelhouse.
Rogan has also been open about his experiences with DMT, a potent hallucinogenic drug known for making users feel as though their consciousness has left their physical body and traveled to a parallel dimension. Many people report communicating with advanced beings while they’re gone.
In a way, DMT is the perfect tool to prepare for encountering extraterrestrials. From the accounts I’ve read, nothing the aliens might show you could be any weirder or more foreign than what’s experienced under the influence of the spirit molecule.
Mike Tyson
Mike Tyson probably seems out of place in this group, and for most of his life, that would be true. However, in recent years, a much happier and healthier Iron Mike has been a vocal proponent of smoking Sonoran Desert toad venom, a source of DMT.
Here’s Tyson talking about his experiences with “the toad”:
“Once I smoked it, everything went boom! When I came down, my brain was functioning, and I could talk, but I was saying, ‘I f***ed up.’
“I killed myself because I killed my ego, and my life totally changed.
“It sounds like a movie script, but it’s the real deal, and now I wake up smiling and laughing, and I wonder ‘what the f*** happened?’
“It lasts forever, but it only took 15 minutes. As soon as I realized I was nothing, all my fancy stuff didn’t matter.
“When you think you know everything and then you realize you don’t know anything, then it is a big awakening. You can call it growth or divine intervention.
“I won’t say it is God, but it was the death of my ego, I felt so naked and afraid because all I ever had was my ego and that made me a very special and famous person.”
Mike Tyson’s life has been about as challenging and unusual as anyone who’s ever lived, from growing up in poverty to becoming the heavyweight boxing champion of the world to going to prison, losing his fortune, struggling with drug problems, and so much more.
Yet, perhaps his most astonishing chapter is the one currently being written, after a career renaissance as a beloved figure and finding inner peace — thanks to DMT. 15 years ago, absolutely no one saw that coming.
What better way is there to cap off such an extraordinary life than spending his final stretch onboard an alien vessel?
Hero Aliens
What would an alien species look for in a famous abductee? I guess it depends on what they’re trying to accomplish and how they feel about humanity as a whole.
- Would they want the most impressive physical specimen, or perhaps the brightest test subjects Earth has to offer?
- Maybe they’d snatch a billionaire, head of state, or religious leader to assert their dominance.
- Or what if they targeted a beloved figure whose abrupt departure would generate the most distress?
It’s impossible to know their intentions.
However, I’m holding out hope that they’re benevolent beings here to assist humanity in its effort to become a type two civilization. Maybe – just maybe –our alien friends will intervene on behalf of the masses and do for them that which they’re incapable of doing themselves: eliminate the most destructive members of the global society.
In this section, we have a collection of wealthy, powerful, and often reprehensible humans whose abductions would almost certainly benefit the plant.
I gave politicians their own section rather than include them here (with two exceptions) to avoid people bickering at me on Twitter over partisan leanings.
George Soros
An ancient, evil old vampire who uses his various foundations and immense wealth and various foundations to reinforce the existing social order, oppose populist movements that threaten capital, and push a globalist agenda.
There’s nothing I’d love more than seeing George Soros +2500 bettors cash in on this bet.
Jeff Bezos
At+2000, Jeff Bezos has the sixth-highest odds of being abducted. The Amazon founder is the second-richest alive man, yet his company’s employees – especially in the Amazon fulfillment centers — are forced to work for low pay in harsh, often dangerous, conditions. His corporation has also had an incredibly destructive effect on numerous industries and businesses.
Bezos’s plan to be one of the passengers on board his company Blue Origin’s first human space flight on July 20 makes him an attractive betting option. For 11 minutes, he’ll be soaring 62 miles above the Earth, providing the aliens with a convenient window to grab the billionaire without having to enter the planet’s atmosphere.
Rupert Murdoch
Rupert Murdoch is another decrepit billionaire whose life was spent making the world a worst place. The Fox News mogul’s companies peddle salacious partisan tabloid journalism. He can be bet at +2500 and would not be missed.
Hillary Clinton
Did you see the Clinton’s added yet another victim to their body count the other day? This time it was the journalist who broke the story of Bill Clinton’s tarmac meeting with then-Attorney General Loretta Lynch in 2016.
Besides the fact that everyone who’s ever inconvenienced her in the slightest has mysteriously turned up dead, usually of questionable “suicides,” Hillary is just unlikable. She’s a corrupt, entitled, warmonger who helps perpetuate the United States oligarchy at the expense of regular people.
So, unfortunately, the aliens probably don’t want her around any more than I do.
The three potential abductees in this subsection are part of an extremely rare club; in fact, they’re its only members.
Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, and Ghislaine Maxwell each have the opportunity to become the first person in the entire universe to fly on both an alien spaceship and Jeffrey Epstein’s private jet, the Lolita Express.
If the aliens appreciate karma, they’ll surely see the poetic justice in abducting close associates of Epstein, a prolific sex trafficker of underaged girls. Assuming they participated in their late friend’s “activities” – which, in the case of Gates, is not clear – then they’re all in the “taking people against their will” business.
- Bill Gates +2000
- Bill Clinton +5000
- Ghislaine Maxwell +2500
Political Aliens
What are the odds a race of extraterrestrial political junkies is observing our planet?
If they want to send shockwaves around the world, simultaneously terrifying and (arguably) benefiting the residents of Earth, they’ll snatch up a political figure – bonus points if they’re in power currently.
By the way, talk about being in my wheelhouse. Political betting is my specialty, while alien prop bets are my newfound obsession.
God, I would kill for someone on this list to be abducted by aliens. Can you imagine? It would add such a thrilling dimension to all of our lives. Not only do we have absolute proof of the existence of other intelligent species, but they’re kidnapping world leaders?! Fantastic.
Donald Trump Sr
If the abductors’ goal is to generate the maximum emotional response from the populous, taking former President Donald Trump is the perfect target. No other public figure is as polarizing.
Half of the United States would beat the drums to engage the extraterrestrials in all-out war, while the other half would start worshiping them as humanity’s saviors. As a result, we might end up in a civil war over something for which neither side bears any responsibility.
Barack & Michelle Obama
I don’t have much to say about the Obama’s other than I can’t figure out why BetOnline thinks there’s a higher probability of Michelle (+5000) being abducted than Barack (+6600). But, if I had to choose, I’d put my money on the former President being the more valuable prospect than his wife.
Joe Biden
While I can’t imagine anything funnier than poor Joe Biden trying to process being in the presence of extraterrestrials, much less communicate with them, I’m staying away from betting the President at +2000 in his current state of cognitive decline.
What’s the point of abducting someone who already doesn’t know where he is anyway?
Kamala Harris
Vice President Harris would be an entertaining candidate to have suddenly disappear. Her betting line is set at +4000.
The K-Hive
The best part about Kamala being abducted would be how it affected the “K-Hive,” her sycophantic fans on Twitter who swarm and harass anyone who dares criticize their queen. You’d be hard-pressed to find a dumber group of people on the entire internet. They have little-to-no understanding of politics or history, which results in some hilariously misinformed opinions. But within their little K-Hive bubble, factual accuracy doesn’t matter.
They’ll film themselves ranting on various people or subjects – usually, a leftist who’s being critical of establishment Democrats – and despite every part of their presentation being factually incorrect, as long as the words are delivered with conviction and in the right rhythm, the response from the Hive is nothing short of effusive.
I can’t get enough of them – I find myself falling into K-Hive rabbit holes on Twitter multiple times per week! Imagining their collective reaction to their cackling queen vanishing on an alien spaceship as their captive reminds me of what I said about the value of novelty bets at the top of this page.
Entertainment Betting
Realistically, I know that my “Kamala Harris +4000” pick is never going to cash, and that’s okay — because this is the perfect opportunity to derive another kind of reward for alien prop betting. I just want to place the bet, take a screenshot of the ticket, and share the image in the K-Hive corners of Twitter.
Their reactions won’t be as hilarious as if Kamala Harris was genuinely abducted, but they won’t be happy — and they’ll be even less reasonable.
Boris Johnson
UK’s Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s odds of being abducted are set at +3300. The aliens would be doing everyone a favor by taking him into Outerspace.
Justin Trudeau
Something tells me Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau would do just fine as a captive on a UFO. He’s a power-hungry little creep and would probably ingratiate himself to any malevolent alien species that may abduct him. You can bet on him at +5000 odds.
Xi Jinping
Xi Jinping is the President of the People’s Republic of China. His betting line is also +5000. However, this wager is even less likely to win than the others. Even if aliens did abduct Xi, the public would never hear about it. The CCP is all about saving face, and they’d never admit to losing their leader.
Kim Jung Un
Kim Jung Un (+5000) isn’t a politician; he’s an authoritarian dictator who inherited his position. He’s probably a better fit in the group with people the aliens would be doing humanity a tremendous favor to take away, but I felt he belonged with the other sitting heads-of-state. Either way, it’d be immensely satisfying to see the ETs get extra creative with their experiments on the third-generation North Korean despot.
Space Jam Aliens
The Space Jam sequel is coming out soon, so it’s only fitting that several of the NBA’s top superstars be included amongst the betting options. If –like the movie — the aliens were abducting humans to participate in an intergalactic basketball game, the three players in this group would be heavy favorites to be snatched.
Once again, it all comes down to the extraterrestrials’ priorities. What are they hoping to accomplish? Are there basketball enthusiasts capable of interstellar travel out there in the cosmos? I sure hope so.
LeBron James
Whether you’re kidnapping NBA stars for an alien pick-up game or studying the upper limits of mankind’s physical capabilities, you can’t go wrong abducting LeBron James. His DNA might also be valuable if the abductors are genetically engineering alien-human hybrids. It’s a possibility worth considering at +3300 betting odds.
Kevin Durant
Everything I wrote about LeBron James also applies to Kevin Durant. The only difference is that the alien-human hybrids created with KD’s DNA would probably be slightly taller and lankier. For some reason, his line is set at +5000. The bookmakers must think King James is the more desirable victim.
Stephen Curry
Stephen Curry is just as valuable in an interstellar basketball game as the other two ballers. However, he may not be quite as appealing to the aliens if they’re abducting test subjects for their physical qualities. LeBron and Durant almost seem like the beneficiaries of genetic experimentation as it is; Steph is a tremendous athlete, but not freaky. His odds of being grabbed by a UFO are +5000 as well.
90’s Sitcom Loving Aliens?
I don’t have much to say about these three celebrity betting options individually, but I find their presence on the table hysterical.
Why did BetOnline.ag’s oddsmakers decide to include three cast members from Friends?! And if you’re going to add them, why go halfway? Where’s David Schwimmer, Matthew Perry, and Lisa Kudrow?
- Matt LeBlanc +3300
- Jennifer Aniston +3300
- Courtney Cox +6600
I’m also obsessed with the betting lines. What was the thought process behind the three former castmates’ odds? More specifically, why is Courtney Cox’s implied probability of being abducted lower than the other two?
These are the joys of off-the-wall novelty betting.
https://www.thesportsgeek.com/blog/new-alien-props-which-celebrity-or-public-figure-will-be-abducted-by-aliens-first/
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